I've come to some interesting and crazy revelations about my life.Throughout my entire life I've put myself into so many different situations, especially pertaining to academics, activities, performance, and leadership. I thrive on having projects to work on and always have to be accomplishing something, learning and growing.
Being a third year in university is really bringing out the stress and busyness of what I have to do in my life as a student. I was a nerd and actually calculated how many total hours in the week I am spent in classes and rehearsals. Basically 24 hours. An entire day, sitting in a classroom, learning, and singing. This doesn't take into account practicing or homework outside of class. It doesn't count eating, sleeping, and spending time resting and recuperating. This means a whole day doesn't exist for me to relax. The other six days of my week are spent doing everything else and catching up. It's mind-boggling.
It frustrates me sometimes when people complain about being bored and have nothing to do. That's not true at all! There are so many endless possibilities! The mind can create so many ideas of something to expand on and learn! When someone says they're bored and having nothing to do, it's almost as if they're too lazy to think about what they could be doing. It's a waste of time to be bored. Every second in life is precious and shouldn't be taken for granted. How do you know that something might happen in the future that changes your life forever, for better or worse? You can read, write, watch a movie, listen to music, draw, play an instrument, and so much more! Everyone has so many talents they can develop! Why spend your time complaining that there is nothing to do?
This leads me into another frustration of mine...
(Of course my stupid keyboard decides to magically erase a nice, lengthy paragraph that I had written... Let's try this again...)
Due to my life as a student and well, as me, I can't always make time for everyone and everything that people want me to do. Prioritizing is such a complex concept to me, especially now that I juggle eleven classes worth of practicing and homework. Thank goodness I have days between classes so I can actually accomplish what I can! But I can't do and finish everything when others want me to. I wish I could do everything people want me to do. I wish I could take time and listen to everyone who wants to chat with me. It's not possible for me to do everything I'm supposed to do and make everyone happy and satisfied. All too often, I don't finish papers or homework on time. That doesn't mean I never finish. Of course I do! My personality doesn't tolerate not finishing tasks. (Except certain ideas that fall out of interest and are replaced with better ideas.)
Unfortunately, there have been friends and family in my life who have either gotten angry at me or hurt because I couldn't fulfill what they wanted me to do. I've been called everything from selfish, egotistical, self-centered, vain, and many other words about how I don't care about other people. These are not true. In fact, they're pretty contrary to how I feel about others. If I could, I would reach out to everyone and make everyone happy and never have to worry about being thought badly of. But life in this world isn't perfect. I've really been learning about myself and how it's important not to let words and negative thoughts of others affect me as a person. Sure, people get jealous, angry, sad, and frustrated with me. Do I have any control over how they react? Nope. I can learn from what they say about me and try to do better next time. If they get all pissed off at me and hold a grudge and gossip, spreading slander about me with falsities, then I'll just have to accept what they say. It's not as if I can keep them from thinking about what they do, even if they're lies and distortions of the truth. When I'm on Facebook, there are many times when people start chatting with me, and I'm actually needing to hurry off and get to a class, meeting, rehearsal, recital, homework, you name it. Sometimes I have less than an hour to grab something to eat between classes, and I hop on the computer for a quick update. And when I tell the person(s) that I have to go and can't talk, they feel hurt because I can't take the time to listen to them.
Honestly, when I say that I'm busy and I'm not able to talk at that moment, I'm telling the truth. It's not about avoiding someone or not caring about them or being selfish. It's about how much that I have to do with a limited amount of time to do it. There's no need to be angry with me because of this.
I certainly am making up time for my blogging break with this long entry! Ah well, you're getting a peek into my hectic and crazy life. It's never boring. If anything, I need to work harder to relax, if that makes sense. I can't control the world as much as I would prefer to. I can only control myself and how I choose to respond to outside influences and circumstances.
And now it is time for me to get back to my homework! I have a French Composition to write, a section of another French novel I'm reading to finish, piano to practice, and a musical piece I need to memorize!
Wish me luck!
<3 Me
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