The Good Morrow; Im Meleth Ich

One of my favourite poems by John Donne...


I wonder by my torth, what thou and I
Did, till we lov'd? Were we not wean'd till then,
But suck'd on country pleasures, childishly?
Or snorted we in the seven sleeper's den?
'Twas so; but this, all pleasures fancies be.
If ever any beauty I did see,
Which I desir'd, and got, 'twas but a dream of thee.

And now good morrow to our waking souls,
Which watch not one another out of fear;
For love, all love of other sights controls,
And makes one little room, an everywhere.
Let sea-discoverers to new worlds have gone,
Let maps to other, worlds on worlds have shown,
Let us possess one world, each hath one, and is one.

My face in thine eye, thine in mine appears,
And true plain hearts do in the faces rest;
Where can we find two better hemispheres,
Without sharp north, without declining west?
Whatever dies, was not mix'd equally;
If our two loves be one, or, thou and I
Love so alike, that none do slacken, none can die.

<3

Here's something else that means a lot to me...


Im galu i erin im radma ich
Im anir nin rane es ich
Hi a an oiale etel ha no enni
Na suir lene enni ereb
Ped ich meleth enni miuva
A to ich tath cuiale
Etel ha no enni


~A.M.

Promise

September 3, 2007

A wrote this in reply to the previous poem, "You Can't Be Right." He based it lightly on a piece by Pablo Neruda. You'll see how he captured my heart...



For me, I'll never be alone, like the stars
Even as they hang aloft in lonely skies
They blaze forever a feeling that can never diminish
A thousand miles is no further than my reach
For I am always with you
In some blessed mountain, whispering
To waking leaves lined with silver trees, that
I'll be waiting, so if you come, you'll find me,
I promise

But like this place, we are all dying
Suffocating under guilt
I have made questions, which I can't answer.
I need to know, but I guess it's more important
To be known. And to you,
I'm neither.

But in this place, I feel like I have stepped out of time.
To a place where I feel you through the dark, so close as the night
Breaking upon day. A place where I does not exist, nor you
So close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.
Though this is time, nor am I out of it.

And so I bear these feelings, these thoughts
Which only certain dark things are to be dreamed of
In secret, between the shadow and the sould
I care for you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way
I feel you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
Yet not a word is said, nor gesture made, I'm saving them
For you.

So if you come, you'll find me.
I promise.

For you, always. As always, all ways.

~A.M.

~*~

<3 Me

Revival; You Can't Be Right

I've decided to resurrect some of my older poetry from long ago and share it with you all. Some are happy, some are sad, and most all of them are complicated. Also, they are very personal, pertaining to what I have gone through in the past. I'll also post some poetry that is written by others.

It's nice to be able to let the words flow from your fingertips to the paper. I miss that feeling. Hopefully I can be motivated to write some new poetry soon.

Journeying back to 2007:

You Can't Be Right


How can I start?
This feeling literally is beyond words,
Comprehension, thoughts,
Definitely beyond action. I can't do
Anything.
Not at all.
My conscience is too clear.
Too focused.
But wait, that's not true.
You blur its vision,
Causing me to careen through my world,
Questioning myself.
This can't be right.
You can't be right.
Not at all.
And yet I'm drawn to you.
You've enchanted me
Completely.
I'm casting my heart into the ocean,
Desperately hoping it'll wash up to your shore
Where you'll pick it up and hold it to your own.
This can't be right.
You can't be right.
I see his words reaching out to me.
I hear his voice calling out to me.
Suffocating me.
You're different.
You're selfless.
You know about him and
Still you push me in his direction.
Too late.
My head belongs to him,
But my heart cries for you.
God it hurts.
What in the world do you think of me?
My actions are loyal to him,
But my thoughts betray.
How can I face him?
Or you?
I can't end it with him.
He's a wonderful loving gift.
You can't be right.
He may have my body, my touch,
My kiss,
My endearment and care.
But my heart is locked away,
And he doesn't have the key.
Guess what?
I threw it in the ocean too.

~*~

Oh the memories are seeping back...

<3 Me

Summer's End is Near

Why hello there. Long time no see.

I'm so sorry to say that my writing and blogging has gone by the wayside. I should really be making more time for it, but life has its way of coming up with more things for me to do. I haven't even written in my journal about my experiences in Europe! Unfortunately, I had left it behind accidentally.

The rest of my time in Vienna was wonderful! I was even able to fly to Paris for my birthday! Finally a chance to utilize my French skills that I had been learning for the past 8 years! We saw all the major sights like le Tour Eiffel, Place de Concorde, Champs Elysées, Moulin Rouge, le Panthéon, Claude Monet's home and gardens, le cémitière Père Lachaise, and many more places! It sure was a workout walking everywhere, but it was an amazing experience. A lot of pictures were taken, of course. The people there were a lot nicer and more helpful than I expected. Perhaps that's because I spoke to them in French. I can't wait to return there someday!


I saw many more operas in Vienna like Faust, Wagner's legendary Der Ring des Nibelungen series (four operas that in total were approximately 20 hours long!), and La Sonnambula, Don Giovanni. It sure was a lot of standing, but it was definitely worth it to hear the phenomenal music performed. I also heard some beautiful orchestral pieces by a string quartet.


Classes went well, and I learned a lot. I admit I devoted more attention to exploring and soaking in Europe than paying attention to homework. I ended up with A's and an A- though, so I'm happy.


In the end, I was getting pretty homesick and was ready to travel home. I missed my boyfriend, family, friends, and my dogs too much! 


The Vienna airport on the day we left was a mess and a madhouse! The lines to get boarding passes and check in were so long and reached all the way down the hall to the gift shop lane! It turns out that there was some kind of airport-wide system failure, and everything was shut down. Our plane was supposed to leave at 10:25am, but we didn't end up taking off until after noon! We landed in Washington DC and waited in line for ages at custom before we could get to our connecting flight. Finally getting through with not much time to spare, we hightailed it across the entire airport because of course our gate was on the other side from where we came in. Just as we got there, we were told that the plane had already taken off. And so we had to arrange for another flight back to St. Louis. The next flight would be after 10pm! So we were stuck in the airport with a 5-hour layover. At least the airport had free Wi-fi. It was after midnight when my family and I finally pulled into my driveway. It felt good to be home.


My airplane adventures weren't over. Late May I flew up to Kirksville to spend a few days with my wonderful boyfriend! As we were getting my bags and loading up the car, he told me to look into the glovebox. Inside it was a little velvet square box... It was a promise ring!!!!! I was so thrilled! It was so beautiful! There were additional stones that I could interchange in the center of the band! Yay for matching my ring with my outfit! We had many good times, and I finally got a chance to meet some of his friends. As an early birthday present, I gave him a hat that I had bought in Austria during my trip that said Wien, Austria with a crest on it (not sure of what). He loved it and wore it all the time! Hats are a great love of his, and he rarely goes without wearing one! We also saw Pirates of the Caribbean 4, which I loved. (Interestingly enough, a song from the soundtrack of that movie just came on my iTunes. How fun is that!) Cuddling and spending time in his arms was the best part though. It was too bad that he was sick for most of it. I took good care of him, nursing him to better health. 


My mom and brother met up with us, and we headed out to Council Bluffs, Iowa for a Memorial Day reunion. It was lots of fun spending time with cousins, aunts, and uncles. I particularly had a nice time bonding with my cousin L and her two sons. One strange thing happened. I lost my voice. It got to the point where I couldn't really speak at all! I didn't catch it from my boyfriend though. That wasn't a part of his symptoms. Eventually it came back.


I was very lucky to be able to spend time with my love once more this Summer too! He was going through some difficulties, so my mom and I drove all the way up to Kirksville to pick him up and take him back home with us. We didn't get back until roughly 2am, but it was very worth it. We were able to put together a great celebration of his birthday! Cake, candles, and all! We also went to the St. Louis Zoo and took lots of fun pictures. Life was wonderful during those days we spent together. I love him so much!


Next wonderful milestone was attending the midnight release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part Two. I went with my good friend D, who is always my midnight release buddy. We've gone to so many together! She came over early, and we watched Part One together and had amazing Domino's pizza, my favourite pizza ever! I crave it all the time! Waiting in line was good fun; I brought Harry Potter trivia questions to amuse ourselves with. It really was a madhouse with over 2,000 people there! Right before we were going into the theatre, I spotted I and convinced him to stand with us. He had made some wands for us as well as Butterbeer and Butterbeer cupcakes! Boy was I on a sugar high that night! The movie was amazing, and I cried several times! It was a bittersweet experience! I loved the soundtrack so much! It was sad to see the movies come to an end. 

My Harry Potter adventures are not over, though! There's Pottermore! It isn't open to the public yet, but through a special challenge I was able to register early and get the awesome opportunity to be a part of the first group of people to enter it and shape the experience before it's formally opened to the public! It was such a fun time waiting up all night for the clue to show up and find the magical quill! Now the wait for my Welcome Letter is upon me. I can't wait to get officially sorted! It just makes me so excited!


D also recommended me a new series to read called The Mortal Instruments. I got the four currently released books and just gobbled them all up! City of Bones, City of Ashes, City of Glass, and City of Fallen Angels. They are so awesome! I highly recommend them to everyone! A movie will be made of the first one and will be released someday! Not sure when, seeing as they've only cast two of the main characters. I have to wait until May 2012 for the fifth book to be released! Poo!


I've been reading so many books this summer! Lots ended up being parts of series, so I kept reading and reading, staying up until the wee hours of the morning so I could finish them all. I missed those days when I would just soak up the pages and become immersed in the other times and worlds. I love how I can walk to a library! It's so useful! 


Bad news about this summer was that I wasn't able to get a job... I applied to 6 places but never heard back from them! It would be pointless to try out here anymore since Summer's nearly over. I won't fret too much because I'll have an ushering position at the Rep open for me to take once more. I'm going to try and apply to work at the library as well. 


I've been biking a lot and making changes to my diet and have noticed positive results from it! I'm using a Shakeweight too! I know they look silly in use, but there's definitely good coming to my arms. That's about 10 pounds gone and a more toned and slimmed body! Yay!


My dogs Duke and Daisy are doing well. There have been lots of fun times spending time and playing with them. Duke is such a playful sweetheart that doesn't fail to make me laugh. Daisy had a bad case of hot spots and had to get some antibiotics and conditioning from the vet. She's improved now, though. 

I ordered my books and everything for my classes, and I'm getting anxious to get back in the swing of things! I'll be living in a 2-person apartment this year with my friend A. Hopefully this experience goes well. Every single year at the university I've lived with someone different. All had their ups and downs. It's a good way for me to explore a wide array of personalities. 


This is quite a lengthy post! I think I'll leave it at this for now. I shall return sooner than later!



<3 Me

Dreaming

I know it has been ages! I really need to get back in the habit of writing! It has been such a whirlwind adventure!

And now for my dream....

I can’t exactly remember how my dream began. In it, I was speaking primarily French and also English. In it, I was researching slave trade and imprisonment of refugees in the East, around Russia. I came across one name in particular that I recognized, of a man who was currently living near me. My home was very near a high school that I attended. Someone approached me and told me that a young girl would be arriving to reunite with her father, and it was my job to help her acclimate to daily living. She may have been my sister (but not by blood). She didn’t speak English, only French. It was so sad to see her cowering and afraid of the school and the people that were currently in it. It was after hours, so not many people were there. I showed her around, and we came to the bathroom. She wanted to stay away from where the majority of people were, so I took her to a quieter area in the bathroom and explained how it would be better to go at home first before leaving for school in order to avoid the noisy crowds. I hugged her close and told her how there is hope for her, that God is with her every step of the way. Then a woman behind us broke down crying, saying how she wished she was able to talk to her daughter like that, but they were no longer together. She then told me that she recognized my new sister’s name because she heard it many times. She happened to be an escaped refugee as well and had been on the same boat. They had been separated for many months since, but she was so happy to learn that my sister was safer. Unfortunately, others were out there that wanted to find them, so their names and identities had to be changed. I took both of their hands and brought them close so we could pray for protection.

…And then my alarm went off.  :(

I always wonder what would happen if I had been able to sleep more. For me, going back to bed and forcing myself back in the dreamworld seems almost like I'm cheating, manipulating my mind so that I can return to my dream. But that's conscious effort and not where the true dreaming state lies, in the subconscious.

Well, I have to get going now. Time to shower and get ready for church. This dream had to do with having a big trust in God, prepared to protect and support others. Good things to think about as I start my day. I could use more incorporation of faith in my life...

Have a good day!

<3 Me

First Few Days in Vienna

Hello everyone! I know it’s been ages since I last updated my blog on here. But I have great news for you! I’m writing from the lovely Vienna, Austria! I’ll be studying abroad at Webster’s campus here for the rest of the semester.

Tuesday March 8^th, I got up extra early to pack. I wasn’t very smart and waited until the very last minute. In the future, I won’t pack the morning of my departure when I’m heading overseas. My wonderful boyfriend had come to visit me for the last few days I was in the States to help me pack and move out of my apartment on the St. Louis campus. I was so glad that I could spend time with him before I left! The time difference of seven hours will be a challenge, but I know we can pull through it. He and my mom took me to the airport and we exchanged big hugs and kisses before we said goodbye at the security checkpoint. I met up with R, K, and L at the gate for our departure to Washington D.C. It was a two-hour flight, and I sat next to a really nice man who talked about his own adventures in Austria and Europe when he was younger. We landed in D.C. and had a two and a half-hour layover before our connecting flight to Vienna. We ate our last bit of American food and read magazines and chatted before it was time to board. Our flight left around 5:30pm, and we braced for our eight-hour flight. The flight attendants were dressed in these outfits that were basically red from head to toe, including their tights. It was kind of cute but at the same time over the top. The plane wasn’t too full, and the seat next to me was empty. I had the window seat, which was really cool. I tried my best to sleep, but it didn’t work very well. My earplugs had been left at home, and the noise of the airplane was too distracting. I was able to rest my eyes for a bit at least. There were some noisy Germans across the row that were laughing boisterously. When we finally landed in Vienna, it was 7:30am their time and 12:30am St. Louis time.

I exchanged my money and we picked up our baggage. Thankfully, no one lost theirs. We were greeted by a taxi driver holding a sign for Webster University. When we got to the van, he opened the trunk and we just stared at the tiny space that was intended for all of our luggage (there were five of us). It was quite a puzzle to fit everything inside, but we did it. The taxi driver said, “That was epic,” which was extremely hilarious. The drive to where we would be staying was pretty crazy since we weren’t used to the driving habits of Europe. The cars drive so close together, and we were almost in an accident!

We made it in one piece to Donaufelderstrasse where we would be staying for the next eight weeks and waited for someone to meet us and check us in. I wasn’t sure who I would be rooming with, and it turned out to be K, so I was relieved. It’s good that I know my roommate. The dorms weren’t quite what I expected. There’s a lot more room than the two-bed rooms in the dorms in St. Louis and plenty of drawers and shelf space, but that’s about where the better parts stop. The bathroom is tiny, and the shower is even tinier. I hit my elbows against the walls when I shower! The beds are pretty hard and firm and feel more like couches. I am able to sleep pretty well though, and it’s nice to have a roof over my head. 980 Euros is a steep price to pay for it. Way too much, if I must say.

After unpacking a bit, we took short naps and went out to explore. We got a bus pass and some other supplies. Our dorms aren’t in the main part of the city, so not many people speak English. If they do, it isn’t very good. I don’t really speak German at all, but I’m getting pretty good at saying “Danke” all the time. When we were stopped by a woman in a grocery store, we just froze as she spoke to us in a flow of German. The others are getting used to it, and I’m getting accustomed to not understanding a word around me. I’m sure I will pick up more German while I’m here. It will be interesting going back to the States and understanding everything again.

That night we went out to a café and restaurant. I shared an awesome pizza with R. We learned that the perception of time basically stops. The waiters and waitresses take your orders and then bring you your food. They don’t stop by to check up on you at all and leave you alone. One could just sit there and talk for hours. That’s basically what everyone does here. It’s up to you to flag your server down for the check when you’re ready. Very different from the U.S. We had some nice laughs together.

The following day was orientation at the Webster campus. We found out the route to take, and since then, riding on the metro has become much easier. Campus is just one building. It’s so much smaller than St. Louis, and I used to think that was small! They served us little pastries, fruit, coffee, and thank goodness tea. I don’t drink coffee, and that’s their main staple here. We had a “meet and greet” discussing policies and information. Then we took a little tour around campus and out in the city area surrounding it. Webster treated us to lunch at a restaurant called “Stars and Stripes.” I think it was trying to be a stereotypical American place. They served us chicken and fries. I felt bad for R because the vegetarian option was less than desirable. Hopefully more vegetarian options can be found. Shopping for our own groceries will certainly help. On our way going back to the dorms we walked around for a while trying to find a tabak that was open so we could get a new metro pass. And then we couldn’t find a bus anywhere. When we finally found one, it turned out that it was going in the opposite direction that we needed to go. So we ended up taking a little tour of the town on our own for an hour until it completed that route, turned around, and ended up right back to where we began and onward finally to our stop. It was quite an adventure! Later that night we went out to Bricks Lazy Dancebar. It played throwback songs of the 80s and had a really great atmosphere. Completely smoky though; I’m going to have to get used to having smoke on my clothes. I had an alcohol-free beer, and it reasserted the fact that I don’t like the taste of beer. I drank it anyway. All in all, it was a fun night.

Yesterday we went to a bakery and had some pastries for breakfast. The milk here is really good! We headed out into the more central part of Vienna and took a tour bus around the main square. Most of the architecture around here is very modern, but some of the buildings make you feel as though you’ve stepped back in time to the days of Mozart. They are so beautiful! I can’t wait to go to church at St. Stephan’s! The church is absolutely gorgeous! After the tour we walked around and explored the area. There is so much to see, so many hidden treasures to find! We bought tickets to see a concert of selections from Mozart and Johann Strauss. Unfortunately, we went to the wrong place, so we had to hail taxis to get there. We were late but still able to get in. The music was beautiful! Everyone was wearing cute outfits. A string ensemble, soprano, baritone, and a ballet dancing couple performed. I really enjoyed the ballet; each piece told a cute story. Afterwards, we continued walking and exploring even more. By the end, our feet were really getting sore in our heels. The benefits of all this walking will definitely make our feet stronger to handle pretty much anything. Not to mention being able to lose weight! I’m really looking forward to that! When I got home, I noticed my boyfriend was online, so I was able to talk to him for a while! It was so nice to be able to finally be able to make contact with him since we had said goodbye at the airport! I’m really missing him, but I know this is such a fantastic opportunity. Maybe someday we can go abroad together!

I slept in until 1pm this afternoon! That’s the most sleep I’ve gotten in quite a long time! Today was a really relaxing and leisurely day. I got my first schnitzel from a vendor with A, and it was very tasty! Afterwards, the whole group of us went to get groceries at Hofer, which is actually Aldis back home! The same sign and everything! It was really great because I spent under 15 Euros for all of my groceries! I’m not sure how long they will last me or if they will be enough selection, but it’s a nice start. I hung out with L, R, and K once again but then decided to relax back at the dorm for the rest of the night instead of going out clubbing. I’m sure there will be plenty of time for that. I really need to catch up on my French readings for class and not to mention finish writing my composition that was due before Spring Break! I hope she still accepts it! My professor has been really great about everything, so I believe she’ll understand and have patience with me.

I’ve written quite a novel! Thanks for taking the time out to read this! Stay tuned for more adventures!

<3 Me

Garden of Flowers

Wandering along a path in a bustling forest

I hear birds chirping to one another in greeting

And squirrels chattering from tree to tree

A lone badger snuffles about the bushes looking for fallen nuts

Life is social, harmonious

Cohesive

Turning to the right

My feet sense a change in the earth,

An array of scents fills the air

That intrigues me with my nose

And my eyes as I take in the colourful sight

Of a garden split down the middle by a dirt path

As I approach, I feel emotions

Exuding from the petals of the flowers and plants

A story

From which rises their division

On one side, there grows a bush of blackthorn sloe

Right at the edge of the dividing path

Swollen blue berries puffed up

Twisting branches creating difficulty in seeing beyond

Stubborn and uncooperative

Buttercup entwining around the roots

Small and childish

Full of naïvety and empty of maturity

As the shoots remain small and refuse to grow taller

Candytuft grows in puffs of pink and white

Off in her own corner

Indifferent to all else but herself

Never concerning with the other plants

Content in her uncaring lack of interest

On the opposite corner, yellow carnations

Blossom in disdain

Rejecting the others

Finding faults in all who are different

In their ideas and habits

Hydrangeas flourish in their blue bunches

Frozen in their demeanor

Growing in sheer vanity

Lost in their own beauty and self-righteousness

Close by, the narcissus

Her white petals spread wide

Cradling the golden center

As if she is God’s gorgeous gift to all life

Fascinated in her own blooms

Refusing to love anyone but herself

In an erotic obsession

A mock orange bloom delights in deception

Creating illusions and pretending

To be what he is not

When you trust him and move in for a closer look

He wilts away from you

And the Snapdragon with her vibrant warm colours

In red, yellow, and orange

Bulbs also cupped in deceit

Ready to presume and judge

Condemning all other ways of life

Loyal only to her own kind      

On both sides grow two chestnut trees

Independent and off alone

Growing in opposite directions

Bending and shaping away from each other

Both feel wronged by the other

Thickening their trunks in thoughts of injustice

Turning to the other side of the split garden I see

Purple anemones huddled slightly away from the others

Saddened by feeling alone and abandoned

Forsaken by the companions she once knew

With the zinnia and her red blossoms

Remembering those who had left

And the times of happiness once shared

Yet there are a band of flowers that grow together

Artemesia, light green and nearly white

Standing steadfast and dignified

Refusing to relinquish her standards of morality

And courteous manners

With the cloves and their bulbs

That know when to restrain themselves from lashing out

Holding back, affirming their decorum and self-respect

Sheltered among the others resides the hibiscus

A vivid and brilliant beauty

But very delicate and fragile to the words and actions

Of others against her

Nearby sweet alyssum

Purple and white that despite attractiveness

Shows worth that beauty could never compare to

In her intelligence and well-meaning

Fennel, in yellow star-like blooms

Shows a quiet strength

That endures through this division

With the reassuring support from a cactus

Hardened from past wrongs

And remaining brave and steadfast

Throughout her life

Still the dirt path separates and divides

And the cyclamen

In her outstretched and cupped petals

Gives one last plea to the other side

Before resigning to the fact that times have changed

Never to return to how they were

The moments have been left behind

In the abyss of the past

Only leaving the path forward to the future

I nearly finish my walk through the path

Heavy with their emotions and accounts

They share with me

When I look down

And see growing

In the middle of the dark brown path

Yarrow

Gold and blossoming

Ripening with healing tenderness

I gently pluck a tiny shoot

And bring it softly to my nose

Before resting it delicately against my chest

Comforted that all will be well in time

And I continue

Returning to the forest once more

On my way home.

©JLThomas11262010