Wings

She is born into a world,

Wide-eyed with wonder.

Gazing up at the vast sky

And all life around her.

Smells overwhelm,

Colours fascinate,

And the taste.

Oh, the taste of leaves and flowers

In her eager mouth.

She absorbs everything with eagerness,

Fattening up on life’s pleasures and delights.

One day, she cannot move.

Trapped, encased, imprisoned,

Screaming to get out,

To leave this choking Hell

Where darkness reigns

And the light is lost.

Time answers her call

As she slumbers deeply,

Building a budding strength inside of her

For when she is ready

To set herself free.

Her hands reach out against her cocoon,

Pushing with all of her might,

And slowly a pinprick of bright peeks through a hole.

The warmth invigorates her and gives her the strength

To break free from her chains of bondage

And emerge with wings.

She will let the sun dry her tears,

Allowing the blood to flow through her veins

With new power;

Wisdom that the world ever changes.

Even the smallest butterfly can soar to the heavens and live with all of her might.

©JLThomas08302010

Whew!

I moved into my university last Thursday and still haven't quite settled down from the whole moving-in process! There are still piles on my floor, in the bathroom, and one last big box in the living room! And it's been absolutely exhausting! Lifting, carrying, pushing, pulling, loading, unloading... And also finding time to eat, sleep, and breathe. Not to mention being social! It's awesome, though, don't get me wrong.

This week, classes have begun; it feels like I never left, really. Although, I'm approaching this year in a totally new light! I basically had a makeover (fashion-wise with haircut, dye, and clothes) and a new outlook on how I will approach this year. Now this is my THIRD YEAR!!!! It's hard to really sink into my head that I'm back to being an upperclassman. I'm seeing all these new freshmen that look so young, and I just smile to myself, thinking how far I've come.

I'm really happy with where I live and my suite-mates! M and M are really great and fun people! I just bask in the good energy of our apartment! Much better than my previous experiences so far.

My work load hasn't lightened. In fact, it's gotten much heavier! My week is filled with classes, ensembles, and everything under the sun. I'm taking my last semester of Music Theory, Conducting, Vocal Pedagogy, Opera Studio, Concert Choir, Piano Lessons, Voice Lessons, Recital (Attendance and putting on a Junior Recital next Spring), Voice Master Class, La Francophonie, and possibly adding a Lyric Diction class!

See what I mean? But I'm a hard worker. My schedule has been filled with many classes since I was able to select my own courses. It's just my student and work mentality. I like to stretch myself and expand out in my (academic) world as far as I can go. It's quite a difficult undertaking, but it feels so rewarding. Every year since graduating high school has been an awesome adventure, and I look forward to where the future leads! The storm clouds that have haunted my younger years have finally been parting to reveal the sunlight. It's great to be able to take a deep breath in and out and just thank God for what he's doing for me in my life right now! Without Him, I would be nowhere. Literally. I know He has big plans for me. And I'm looking forward to taking on the world one step at a time! Right now, it's the States, this Spring it's Vienna, Austria, and two years from now it'll be Toulouse, France! Who knows where else for graduate school and beyond...

On that note, I'm going to relax and enjoy my 50-minute break before I go to my next class.

Love and Blessings,
:) <3

Journey

I wrote this several months ago, but it's one of my works I'm most proud of!

Journey

There is an Inferno,

Which surrounds my heart,

Guarding its beating soul

With a treacherous path

That many may enter.

But only one will reach the center.

Dare you attempt the journey?

You must pass through eight levels.

Be careful,

Pay close attention,

For you may encounter

Traps and snares.

However,

The treasure at my heart

Is more precious than

Gold or jewels,

Fame or fortune.

It is priceless.

I wish you luck.

First, there is Limbo.

You gain access easily,

As everyone can.

There is chaos and confusion

Everywhere you turn.

If you understand

The words written above the gate,

You may proceed

To Light.

Here is an image

Of stunning beauty and power,

A glimpse of the treasure at my heart.

You may reach this place

And freeze with desire.

But if you do,

There you shall remain.

For lust will not open the next gate.

If you can see beyond the outer view,

You will approach

A Feast.

You see a table laid

With delicious treats and delights,

All morsels of what my heart gives,

Sharing with others.

Sit down at the table.

Sample what is offered

And discover what will be given to you

If you succeed.

But if you become consumed,

Gluttonous and thriving on what is there,

Using it for your personal gain,

You will not pass onward

To the lush garden.

Here there are little treasures,

Little hopes and dreams

Of mine

That are precious,

Revealing more of my heart.

There are also little nooks

Where my fears and shadows dwell.

Venture within.

But do not seek to discover them

And attempt to use them against me,

Or the next way will be barred.

At the bank of a flowing river,

A small boat awaits you.

Give the boatman a coin.

He will grant you passage

To flow deeper

Through the path to my heart.

On this journey,

You will see memories of mine

Float to the bubbling surface.

Many will make you cringe,

Please bear them.

See them, try to understand them.

Do not throw yourself into the waters in despair,

Never reaching

The City of Dis,

Where there you will see tombstones.

It is a place that once was

And now is gone.

Tombs of those I loved

And lost, forever

Lingering in the place of endings.

There are spirits,

Figures, angels and demons

Of my past

That will speak to you

If you will listen.

Some will tell lies of me

Others my truths.

Whom you believe will determine whether you

Find your way

To an Island surrounded by the river Phlegethon.

It is a battlefield of soldiers

With war exploding around you,

Unforgiving and relentless.

You may wonder what they are fighting for.

Both sides fight for truth.

Their truths are identical,

Yet still they fight.

Observe this battle.

Learn their beliefs.

My heart feels what you decide,

And if she deems your truth worthy,

You may continue

To the Malebolge.

It is large pit,

Shaped like an ampitheatre.

If you look down inside,

You hear voices crying out.

Crying, screaming,

Shouting to be heard.

Their regrets for what they had done

Fill your ears.

They wish to escape the pain

That they brought upon themselves.

Do not listen,

Do not help them,

For they are not real.

They want to drag you down with them

And keep you with them for eternity.

I beg you listen to yourself.

Listen to your heart.

Feel it beat, feel it pulse.

Block all sights and sounds.

Close your eyes

And walk forward.

Let it guide you on the final path

To warmth.

A heavy silence,

A deep sense of calm.

No more screams, no more pain,

No more worries.

Just stillness.

You open your eyes and see blackness.

You feel lost.

You do not know what will come next.

Then you see a bright flash.

You hear something.

You feel something soft brush against your face.

Another flash.

And lo, out of the black,

Something approaches.

Slowly, languidly,

Softly humming a melody,

Pure and beautiful.

She is the most beautiful woman

You have ever laid eyes upon,

Clothed in a shimmer of red.

As she smiles, everything glows

And is filled with light,

All the way through you to your own beating heart.

She holds out her hand,

Hoping you will grasp it

And let her lead you.

She welcomes you

To the paradise that is

My heart.

©JLThomas,1162010

Moving Out and Settling In

It's crazy hectic time now with me! Just moved my little brother into his dorm! I can't believe how much he and I have grown up! It's so hard to imagine him in college now!

This is his finished dorm after we spent the day unpacking and putting it together:

And today I'm getting my rear in gear to move into my campus apartment! I have growing piles of various items I'm bringing along with me collecting in my bedroom, the next door office, and in the living room downstairs. Today I'm moving in partly and then coming back here to spend my last night with my mom and watch The Fountain, which is one of my absolute favourite movies of all time! And the musical score is simply phenomenal! 

I'm really excited about getting back in the musical swing of things! Time to get back to that practice room and sing sing sing, refresh my fingers on my piano, and this time play my flute more often! It's just so calming and therapeutic for me, music. Such a gift from God and a blessing I hope to cultivate forever!


Love and Blessings,
:) <3 

House of Dreams

I shall rock you to sleep with my lullabies,

Soft, enchanting, drifting,

Eyes closed and open to the City of Dreams.

There we will find

A cozy home to call our own,

Roses blossoming and clinging to the walls

With a desperate yearning to join together two worlds,

One wild, the other made by our two hands.

There is ever gladness,

Ever laughter,

Ever freedom,

Ever equality,

Ever hope,

Ever healing,

Ever trust,

Ever love.

I will clasp your hand in mine,

Warm and feeling your heart’s pulse beating

With my own.

And we will cross the threshold together,

Beginning anew in this safe haven,

Closing the door of reality behind us

As we merge in our dream,

Forever entwined in safety.

©JLThomas08152010

Bubbling Excitement

Today I'm at the library because the internet's down for the weekend at my house. I could use the time away from internet anyway since it so easily becomes an addiction. Not to mention, I really need to keep moving on packing for Webster! I just finished going through all the magazines I had and tore out pages of articles I'd be interested in keeping while recycling the rest. I'll keep some for collage-making sometime whenever I have the impulse and urge to make something. I used to, so hopefully I'll get back to it one day. I miss how artistic I used to be and the many uses I put my creativity to. That's another goal I'm giving myself this year, to tap back into my talents that I haven't quite cultivated of late. I still need to go through all of my clothes to pack up. I'm also going to set about donating ones that I won't wear anymore to Goodwill. That'll help balance the fresh intake of new clothes I've added to my wardrobe. I'm really excited to wear all my new clothes too! I've been working out more and making healthier diet choices and noticing great results! It's so inspiring to put on clothes that really flatter your figure and make you look more professional and confident! I have to sort through my books too and decide which to bring along. My room in apartment has a little less space than my last room in East, so I'll have to be careful about what I bring. I don't want to have to turn down too many things because they won't fit.

My love for singing and performance is really starting to kick in now that classes, auditions, rehearsals, and lessons will be beginning soon! I can't wait to see everyone and hear their amazing voices and perform with them! It just fills me with such a happy glow! I'm starting to be on the hunt for arias and song cycles that I can learn and incorporate in my Junior Recital this approaching Spring! My talents are such blessings from God that I'll never cease being grateful for! I know it's in His plan for me that I use them to help others in some way in the future!

I had a great night last night, spending it with old friends and celebrating L's 21st birthday! I did some readings that most everyone was eager about, and they turned out to be accurate and insightful! It makes me so happy when I can help people understand more of a situation and give them advice on how to approach future decisions! I found a girlfriend for my dog Duke named Ariel, who's a purebred Husky! I think they'll get along quite nicely! There was a lot of talk about wedding and marriage too, which got me excited and anxious for J's and C's weddings coming up this December and November 2011! It's so much fun being a bridesmaid! And then there's a matter of thinking about the future with me and my boyfriend... It'll be several years down the road, but the anticipation and excitement are still here inside me! Yay for love! :D

My Duke! :)

I've calmed down a bit since yesterday about the looming challenge ahead of me, which is nice. Now's not the time for me to be stressing. But I can't forget it. It may already be too late to confront them, so I need to keep it in my thoughts to a point. I'll keep my prayers going for insight.

Time to watch Gossip Girl, my newest show I've begun to watch! I got the first season that I'll be settling down with!

Love and blessings.
<3

Taking a Plunge...

I came across something in a book that made me look back on a really traumatic part of my past that I don't like to dwell on. But what it said made me wonder about whether the incident that happened could have been prevented and handled differently... I understand that it was in God's plan for me to come to terms with my mental disorder, but in truth, the authority figures and establishment that went about handling it were absolutely horrible to me. It wasn't fair, and as a result, four crucial months of my life were ruined and my life is changed forever. I look back and wonder what my life would be like if those four months were different. I could be in a completely different place right now.

The idea of taking action is slowly sprouting in my mind, but it scares me. I would be opening a can of worms that would be extremely painful for me to bear... I will keep this thought in my mind and prayers for now and look up research on past cases, not to mention talk to my uncle for advice on the matter. It's really serious business, but I can't afford to lose my composure and focus on my goals for school in the future. Fortunately, I have a wonderful mother and boyfriend that will help me through this decision I will choose to make.

Love and blessings.
<3

Newness!

I have the impulse to start a blog, and so now I shall fill it with my thoughts on pretty much everything. Some posts may be boring, some amusing, some sad, some insightful, some romantic, some ridiculous, but all will be opinionated. This is more for myself than others, but I welcome one and all to read if you stumble across my little haven of precious thoughts! More will be written soon, but I am full of the duty and motivation to pack up and prepare to move into my new apartment at Webster University where I go to school.
Enjoy this heat, and blessings be upon you.
:) <3